I wish parenting could come with a user manual

Wondering about the best path towards good parenting

Madhuri Jain
4 min readApr 24, 2022
Photo by Liv Bruce on Unsplash

I am a new mother and I’ve been through most of the stages that every mother goes through. The journey hasn’t been easy. Many times when I’m overwhelmed, I wish that how the world would look like if every child would come with a unique user manual. With this user manual, the lives of new parents will be easier. They will be able to figure out what their child needs without relying too much on their intuition ; it will give them back some personal space. In addition, they’ll have more time to enjoy their life while they can sleep better. Unfortunately, such user manuals do not exist, which makes it difficult for any parent to gauge what a child is going through.

I’m not a fan of the fact that parenting is such an important job without any qualifications. Nobody prepares us to be parents. We dig our childhood for clues. We quiz other parents. We ask our parents to mine their hazy past. We read. We search tirelessly on the internet. What do I do?, Am I doing It right?, Am I doing justice to my child? are the questions we ask ourselves. In today’s age, we get to know about parenting practices through blogs, videos, books and other parents. The mixture of traditional and western advices lead to more confusion.

My fear grew with time as my son started to grow up. Constant chatter of questions kept my mind busy. I was constantly anxious. When I tried to identify the reasons for my anxiety I was unable to get clear answers.

When I was a student, I liked to keep my concepts clear, so I had the same attitude towards parenting. I want to be a best parent that any kid can ever have. What I fail to realize is that it’s the kind of role where we can learn things while doing trial and error. We try to do everything we can to avoid the mistakes we see other parents make and the ones that our parents made. We want them to enjoy meaningful relationships, be caring and compassionate, do well in school, work hard and be responsible, and feel good about who they are.

I’m still a newbie when it comes to parenting, but I’d want to share what I’ve learned in this article.

Photo by Zach Lucero on Unsplash

Key Takeaways

  1. Giving birth to a kid does not automatically make you a mother. It takes time to develop feelings of love for your child. It’s natural to experience conflicting feelings, and it’s perfectly normal.
  2. Both the mother and the father must be on the same page. They’ll have to learn to let go of their egos and focus on the child’s best interests.
  3. Two important emotions that many people face after becoming parents are worry and terror.
  4. It’s normal to be frustrated from time to time. It’s the sleepless nights that work their magic.
  5. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, with the exception of a few immutable truths. As a result, it’s best to avoid judging other parents’ parenting methods.
  6. A child requires a safe atmosphere in which they may learn to accept and manage their emotions.
  7. It is necessary to take care of oneself in order to ensure a child’s well-being. When new mothers are overburdened with responsibilities, they grow worried and frequently lose their sanity. This may have an effect on the child as well. As a result, it is essential to take pauses and focus on doing things that one enjoys on a regular basis.
  8. A child’s upbringing is the responsibility of the parents. Family members can certainly assist, but relying solely on them should not be an option.
  9. For a new mother, maintaining a professional presence is exceedingly difficult. However, if family assistance is available, one should make every effort to continue working.
  10. Though I have a tremendous desire to protect my child as a mother, I must realize that I will not be able to do so indefinitely. Parents should instead focus on creating an emotionally competent child who can handle any scenario with minimal suffering.

Final Thought

At times parenting leads to exhaustion, still it is considered as one of the amazing gifts of life. After becoming parents we are required to look inward on to what kind of example we want to set for our children.

When new software is developed, it is tested for usability multiple times before it is released to the public, and the quality is gradually improved over time. When it comes to parental soft skills, this is not the case. The roles of mother and father are assigned as soon as the child is born. I envision a much better society if we could add mandatory pre-marital counselling sessions where couples would learn how to work together to maintain a strong marriage and parenting skills.

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Madhuri Jain

Empowering ambitious mothers who are in their 20s and 30s to break through their limiting beliefs and reach their full potential.