Can Women have it all?

A myth of achieving everything in life

“Some women prioritize career. Others prioritize their kids. It’s those who try to juggle both who often feel they aren’t succeeding at either.” [2]

Image Credit: Ellen Weinstein for The Washington Post

“Female or a Woman or a Girl”: A really complicated creature on the earth according to their counterpart “Male or a Man”. It is very difficult to understand this species. I myself being a female sometimes fail to understand my own thoughts and requirements.

I try to have it all in my life: a satisfactory career (and be aware I am not talking in terms of only money, I need job satisfaction too), A fulfilled marriage(where I can spend quality time with my husband following the great intimate time of course 😇), strong social relations with like-minded people, time to pursue a hobby. I try to play several roles like being a daughter, a good daughter-in-law, a best friend, an amazing wife…and the list goes on. I am never satisfied with what I have currently.

If I lack in any of the areas, I start feeling miserable as if I am trying to find a reason to be cranky. Sometimes women like the chaotic life as they feel everything is under their control. They like to feel needy. My husband is very sorted in this matter he will keep one project alive in a span of time and will work on it day and night until he succeeds. He does not try to balance multiple things and he believes in accepting the consequences of not being able to achieve everything. While I feel guilty if I missed one part while trying to achieve another.

Then I question that why I am wired like this. I try to achieve several things together and constantly try not to hurt anyone in the process. Is it really possible especially for a woman to have it all in her life? Can she become amazing at one aspect without compromising other aspects of life?

To identify the answer, I started reading the research done in a similar area and I learned few surprising facts.

During the cognitive revolution, though cultures evolved differently in different parts of the world, a woman’s role stayed the same. Bearing children, nurturing them, and taking care of the household but since 200 years, the role has expanded to become a breadwinner as well. Though, the role expanded, the need of being good at the household stayed the same. Hence, responsibilities were only added but they did not reduce or distributed with another gender.

According to a study, women place less importance on power-related goals, associate more negative outcomes with high-power positions, perceive power as less desirable, and are less likely to take advantage of opportunities for professional advancement. This usually happens because they are aware that their role at home is going to stay the same and they will feel less fulfilled if they will fail to justify any of the home duties. Many women say that no matter what position you achieve in life if you fail as a mother then all your significant achievements do not seem worthy.

The research shows that generally speaking, the more successful the man, the more likely he will find a spouse and become a father. The opposite holds true for women, and the disparity is particularly striking among corporate ultra-achievers.[1]

In the rarified upper reaches of high-altitude careers where the air is thin, men have a much easier time finding oxygen. They find oxygen in the form of younger, less driven women who will coddle their egos. The hard fact is that most successful men are not interested in acquiring an ambitious peer as a partner.[1]

According to U. S. Census Bureau data, at age 28 there are four college-educated, single men for every three college-educated, single women. A decade later, the situation is radically changed. At age 38, there is one man for every three women. This data shows that in the prime years of getting married and having kids if women choose their career over married life, they are likely to remain unmarried in their later life as well.

What can women do about it?

There is no perfect answer to this question as “Having it all” is indeed a myth. But, we can certainly try to control our emotions and be settled if missed on few duties.

We only have twenty-four hours like everyone else but those hours come with lots of responsibilities compared to men. Though the mindset is shifting towards being supportive of women’s roles, we are far from the dream world.

Hence, No matter what you choose to do in life, It is extremely important to stick to at least one thing that only you love to do and that will keep you going. Also, allocate some time to read, it will definitely help you enhance your perspective about things.

Also, we should try to be a little less hard on ourselves. It is okay if someone calls us a bitch if we failed to fulfill their expectations. (It is easy for me to write then implement but still, I will keep on trying to implement it till the time I am comfortable hearing that word for myself. )

References

  1. https://hbr.org/2002/04/executive-women-and-the-myth-of-having-it-all#
  2. https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/12/having-it-all/488636/

Happy Reading :) Happy Learning :)

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